We're Heroes in our own mind but if you lost then guess what, YOU'RE THE VILLAIN.

I want to talk about DIABLO III. I want it I want it.

America has a very refined and specific culture. We sometimes assume it is art, and music and shit like that in which we call self-expression. But selfexpression is rewaded in spite ofthe system most times. A successful artist is normally one who is not institutionaized otherwise they are branded as a sell out or whatnot and discredited by people with their juxtaposition to copious amounts of money, and contracts. The real culture of America is that of institutionalizing. America can take anything and turn it into a multistep process in which money is made on all levels and if you stay in long enough you reach a point in which you are the top of the system and people pay you. America can institutionalize an interest you have except for sex industry and drug industry. Both which operate on some business like level though right? And why do hippies pay each other in American money? Shouldn't they knit each other scarves and bakebread for each other etc. NO. They have no time to bake bread, they're working. Everything works.

So far what I've learned as an English Major at Loyola University and recent attendee at Centurm Writer's Conference (look I'm honestly trying) is that to publish a book you must fit your story into this unspoken fomula of a story. Every story I present to one of my higher ups is immediately referred to a more obscure and unknown story about not-suprisingly the exact same thing. They then tell you to model your story more like the one previously written. I'm all for inspiration and looking at other people's work but come on, it's structural plagerism. It's mental slavery. People act out these "classic" stories embeded into them as children then write them to further embed them into the next generation and develope an undeniable cannon of stories. This not only rapes inspiration it limits our own lives as our conciousness is taught that there are only so many reolutions to life's stories we are projecting how to act in the real world. The only way to resolve the story of your life is something you read in a book or a magazine. Stories become the model for human interaction and we equate fictional events to our own lives, to have a story to follow. Possibility spontinaity and thinking dissappear and we become robots to societal programming. And as most of our stories are dervied from ancient western traditions we will live in an arcane western mindset for the rest of existence. My only hope is that a rapture will rid us of our out dated and pitiful culture on which we rely for our social cues. If there is one real truth it will reveal itself in what we create. If there is one real eternal Truth then we should let go of everything and start over.

Future The

Death

Thinking about thinking

Thinking about thinking has gained the unfortunate term meta-, When ever something is meta something it is itself applied to itself. So a meta-novel would be a novel about novels or that specific novel. A meta-song is a song about songs or that particular song. A meta-house is a house built for houses to be built in, a home for homes. For example suburbs are a home for houses. Suburbs are a meta-house. In metatizing things they seem to become human. Houses can have homes but a meta-house has the suburbs and thus has a home. In that case a house then also must have place where it is away from home or on vacation. That is not to say a house can vacation but for a meta-house to have a home it musts also have a place to vacation and work and play etc. Because you don't work at home, you work at work, you play at bars, movies, concerts, parks, etc. By asserting that the house has a home you must also assert every other possible idea, concept word or in simpler terms Marklar. If you Marklar a Marklar then Marklar must assume Marklar. You cannot make a single assertion about yourself or the world around you without implying a whole cannon of the entire knowledge of the entire world collectively contained within human minds. Reality and imagination become interchangeable and only measured by your intelligence and knowledge. The lens in which you view the world, any assertion you make about the experience of life is through that lens.

It goes back to the big T and the little t and f. By asserting an ultimate Truth you assert all falsity as well including that your big Truth is wrong. LIke some old dead greek said. Everything is true,that would include that it is false, so everything can't be true.



Mostly I think dogmatism and blind faith are HORSE SHIT. LOTS OF FUCKIG HORSE SHIT.

The More you Say the Less they Hear

I don't think robots will take over the world. It's not human. The only way robots will rule is if they decied to rule humanity. The day a robot decides to enslave us all then I have no doubt we will be enslaved but, until that day, I don't think we'll slowly evolve into robot domination. I have no idea how it came to that but I do know that it involved a machine that created every single concievable song ever. I don't think humans would willing give up free will unless we decide to convert ourselves to energy and rejoin the cosmic conciousness in which we would realize free-will is an illusion.

Life is like a giant pyraid scheme. There are the lowest forms of life and they pay up, with their lives, to higher organisms, up the food webby chain in the shape of a pyramid. Life should be less like a pyramid scheme and more like a coffee shop/brothel/emissions testing shop. One stop and you're set for the next destination.

Dystopian Hugs For Everyone

I was thinking about utopia and how in all sorts of moviEs thErE arE utopias and onE pErson is dissatisfiEd and thE rEst arE supEr happy. In this casE it is unusual to bE unhappy bEcausE EvErything is pErfEct Etc. but thEn somEthing Ends up bEing horribly wrong and scary and EvEryonE is actually a slavE- logan's run, the matrix, bravE nEw world, brazil. In a dystopia thEn unhappinEss would bE thE norm and happy pEoplE would bE wEirdos. ThE most rEassuring thing about this comparison is that in a pErfEct world thErE will always bE somEthing horribly horribly wrong and noonE will admit it. In a dystopia thErE is somEthing horribly horribly right and good, and EvEryonE wants to admit it.

pEacE EvEryonE

Arrest

I'm still running through what I was thinking about last night. There is a single thought that is so arresting. It dominates my will and my actions. No matter what I do I am stopped by this feeling that I am just waiting to die. It reminds me, sorry music snobs, of Hed PE and their song waiting to die. While I can't agree with the hardcore gangsta attitude I agree with the sentiment, "there is nothing wrong with me...I'm just waiting, waiting to die." Already I want to examine this post like an 'educated person'. I want to look what what I wrote and say, "the use of song lyrics to express his feelings is a way of distancing himself from his feelings." I want to say, "wow, he's talking about sad subject matter, enuit," to make me sound more intelligent. I want to end self examination. I want to end the idea that I'm outside of the world, that I am not a part of it or that my interpretation of it is a legitimate way to live. My anger and distress is placed unjustly on the academic field as it seems they are the ones that create this sort of masochistic examination of the world. My anger and anxiety is placed on other people who I blame for not trusting and loving each other for, as far as I am concerned, small differences when I notice in my own life it is impossible to bridge the gap between two people. We cannot touch each other. It is all in our perception. It is all in our perception but that doesn't mean that it is all lies. Perception is different for everyone. That seems to me a weighty idea that has any number of perfect legitimate conclusions. And here I am, a human being, writting to a world that has no interest, about something I can't explain, with no prupose in mind, trying to convince noone of nothing.

That seems like a good poem,

And here I am,
a human being,
writing to a world,
something I can't explain,
with no purpose in mind,
trying to convince no one,
of nothing,

it's not good enought to be a poem though. No meter, no form, no rhyme, no structure. NO! PLAY MY GAME! MY GAME IS THE RIGHT GAME! I KNOW THE RULES AND YOU HAVE TO PLAY BY MY RULE!!! ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME.

No one will read this,

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck , cunt cunt cunt cunt, asshole.

Sisyphus

"Beginning to think is to be undermined. Society has but little connection with such beginnings. The worm is in man's heart. That is where it must be sought. One must follow and understand this fatal game that leads from lucidity in the face of existence to flight from light."

"It often happens that those who commit suicide were assured of the meaning of life."

I'm trying to reoncile what I know of Sartre's idea's on perception and Camus's idea of the Absurd. They each seem all inclusive in themselves, inclusive of their own idea's as well as the rest of the world. But both deal with perception in a different way. Sartre is talking almost about the gears of a watch to Camus who is trying to tell the time. The only way I reconcile what I think of both is to think that, while Camus deny's it, his philosophy is metaphilosophy. That understanding the world through that perception of the Absurd applies only to those who understand. And it seems as if Camus unknowingly admits this, as anyone who cannot understand the Absurd is dead is dead in his mind. Literal death, suicide, or metaphorical death, hope. I'm not implying that Absurdism is a a means to hope, I do beleive that it stands on it's own. Imagine having a photograph, a memory, and being at the Grand Canyon. All three change your impressions of the others but by having a memory of the three phenomenon you know your perception has changed. Camus philosophy applies whenever you wake up from life and examine it for it is when you wake up that you deal with the absurd. Then one must either return to the pattern, kill oneself or deal with the Absurd and create meaning in the face of meaninglessness. But only when the idea of the Absurd is implanted in ones head can the cycle of Absurdity begin. It' like another vicious cycle, or mind game to play that take advantage of cathartic life moments. I quite liken it to the Allegory of the Cave. When one discovers the Absurdity of life they are not only exposed to the bright sun but ultimately doomed to toil in the shackles from where they had just broken free until such a day comes when the darkness sets in and Catharsis is possible once more. I imagine Camus's philosophy as implying a wisdom that is constantly and at one moment, infinite and freeing. And indeed, his use of the Myth of Sisyphus complete's his idea's whereas Sisyphus is always pushing the rock, it breaking, walking back, and then struggling once more. It seems to imply that no catharsis is ever infinite, but can in the future prevent you from experienceing the same cathartic path. Thus Sisyphus, the wisest and most daring man was sentenced to a life of complete and utter ignorance.